STOP!!!

Ok, Time to refocus, my challenge has been over for only 4 days and I feel like I have eaten everything in sight. I've got to stop and get back on track, I know how easy it is to gain it back, and I've worked too hard to let that happen.
My mini goal is to lose 10 pounds before the next challenge begins on April 15.

Weight Loss Challenge

I have been doing these weight loss challenges, my second challenge came to an end this past week. I have mixed emotions regarding it. I was very distracted this time around due to my insane life, and family issues. So I didn't really apply myself as well as I could have.

First let me give you a little info about the challenge. It is a 12 week program, The cost is $35 to join. We have weekly weigh-in meetings/classes. If you miss any classes, you have to pay $5 per missed class, and if you gain weight, you have to pay $1 per pound. All of the money collected (minus any administrative/supplies fees) is paid out to the top 5 participants. The person who loses the highest % wins 50% of money, second places wins 30% and third place wins 20%. Prize money is also paid out to the person who loses the most inches, and the most amount of pounds. Sounds simple enough right?

Okay, well I have come in 5th place yet again, for losing the most pounds. I don't really have a chance at winning because I have so much to lose. I lost 25 lbs this challenge, which worked out to be 9.6%, the winner won $350.00, and she lost 16 lbs, which worked out to be like 13 or 14%.

I should be so excited for losing what I did, I lost 34 inches and lost 25 lbs in 12 weeks, and for about 7 weeks of that time, My father was in the hospital so I really didn't work out, and lets face it, the hospital cafeteria ironically, does not have the healthiest of food choices. So why am I being so hard on myself.

My Why

What is my Why? That is why is it that I want to change my life? It's really simple I guess, I want to LIVE. I'm 34 years old and I have never lived. I never go out, I never do anything that I would like to do because of my fear of being ridiculed. I've heard the laughs, the horrible comments, and yes even at times, I have heard the "Moos"
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the too-tight seats at the movies or the ball games, or worse yet I'm tired of being afraid of where I can go, or what I can use or not use because of weight limits.
I want to LIVE. I want to fly on an airplane without fear of needing a seat belt extender, or worse yet, needing to have to buy two seats. I want to go on my cruise and be able to go horseback riding, para sailing, or whatever else my heart desires. I don't want to have to scour the brochures to find the weight restrictions.
I want to go to the amusement park and ride all the roller coasters, I want to play ball with the kids. I want to be able to have my own kids one day. I want to love myself enough to stop abusing myself and my body.
I've hidden behind my weight for so many things, I've avoided living, trying, and applying myself to all the things in my life that I deserve. I've settled for far too little for too long. But no more will I do that. I deserve all the great things that life has to offer. I will change my life physically, mentally and spiritually.